欠乏

自分の欲しいものが何か分からないというこの脱力感は何だろう。
久々にブログを立ち上げる気になってみたものの、やはり昨年までのように思うように言葉がなかなか出て来ない。何かを書きたがっている自分がいるからこそ、友人のブログを見て私もアップしようと思ったはずなのだが。

英語で書くから出て来ないのかと思い、日本語に変換してみたものの、表現が容易になったくらいで出てくるものに変わりはない。

カルガリーでの生活が辛かったために、自分自身リラックスしきっているのだろうか。家族や居慣れた環境に甘えているだけだろうか。

誰かのBiographyでも読めば、刺激になって人生観が変わったりするだろうか。最近また英単語帳なんかを通勤途中に開いて勉強しているのだが。何がしたいのかは分からないが、常に刺激を受けて成長していたいと思うから。

プールに入って、考え事をしながら長距離を泳ぐのが好きだ。周囲の音が何も聞こえず、邪魔されず、いくら泳いでも水の中で暑くはならない。泳いでいる人間を止めようとする人はまず居ないだろうし。

何かを理解するまで少し時間がかかりそうだ。

Be Simple

Being simple is the easiest way to live a life.
At the same time I think it is also one of the enjoyment to think, guess, imagine, struggle over and over again, and finally you will get to the answer. Every time you get to become a better person, you will have to get over the "slump". It seems like you can say the same in everything, like me played tennis, trial and error, finally succeed after all the attempts. You will never see the better before going through the bitterness.

I traveled around the world in more than 10 countries by myself since I barely spoke the international language. Maybe I am just lucky that I am still here with nothing bad happened accidentally in my journey. On my first trip when 18, I was stressed out all the time and just wished to return home right away. However I was lonely I had a reflection in each place I visited, and it was always after I left the place to notice what I have got there.

Honestly I am not sure what I was looking into the trip world. I wanted to see the great landscapes and people and the cultures over there, people I would meet and the time share with them, the fame of the bravery went abroad on my own, the number of the stamps increases at custom on my passport. Possibly I was just waiting for something could change myself.

Perhaps life is simple. Accept each singe day. You will meet what you are supposed to take. I don't call it a fate as I am not religious but there might be the way supposed to go. I don't try to look for things I lost, it will return into my hands if needed.

Lost In Words

I don't remember when I stopped to open my notebook and scrawl things whatever comes up on my mind. Probably I have been got occupied by work mostly instead of spending time out with my notebook and a pen, sitting on the grass, listening to music and sing it together.

I lost words. I don't know how to fill up one page in my note with my what words.

Am I that boring person? Got nothing to reflect in a day? Too easy to finish each day without thinking?

I just need to take a while till understand something has to be done to find the direction toward my own happiness before stepping on the next step.